Let's Pretend
by loveless996
Summary: Abused, broken and defeated, the story of a relationship between the tormented and an unlikely savior "So, let's pretend… pretend everything is alright, pretend that when you're with me all your dilemmas and problems don't exist" AkashiXKuroko
1. So, Let's Pretend

**Author's Note**

****Gosh.. here it is after Not a Fairytale... i promised another fic

LOL

i ended up writing tragedy again btws this is A MULTICHAPTER :D (YAY! with monthly updates cuz im a lazy ass)

also this is another **rated M** cuz smut is fun O_O

I will put up an actual warning

THIS IS **YAOI**... it has mentions of** twisted rape**... really twisted stuff. I don't think I will be writing graphic rape this time though. **Please do not read if you are not mentally prepared**

Pairing is AkaKuro (AkashiXKuroko)

I am in the process of writing a crack fic with AoKuro so watch out for that ^_^

* * *

**Let's Pretend **

* * *

_To heal a broken heart, new love must flourish_

_To heal a broken relationship, reconciliation must be reached._

_To heal a shatter soul, it requires much more._

Tiny pearl like droplets fell from the boy's heterochromatic eyes. He sobbed quietly as a fist repeatedly landed upon his rather small body. He had learned that begging, crying and pleading only fueled that intoxicated man's actions and pleasures. And so he remained still, as still as possible as his lung sucked in one painful breath after another. He did not try to struggle, that hasn't yielded him positive outcomes in past… and he learned through trial and error, how to escape with the least amount of damage taken. Because he knew that tomorrow he would have to pretend that nothing happened. He would have to put up a feign façade for the rest of the world to see and admire.

The boy counted his blessings as his so called father left the room. He sighed in relief. Grimacing slightly, the red-head managed to pull his sore and defeated body off of the ground and onto his bed. Every move hurt like hell. Every inch of his body burned with pain and hatred. He hated that man. He hated his life. He hated everything that was him.

And yet he was happy, glad that the worst of outcomes did not happen tonight. The boy pulled his bruised knees towards his body and he rested his chin atop them. He was rather small for his age, especially for someone that played basketball. "Che." He said out loud as he silently wished for a different build. A build that would allow him to overpower his 'father'. Silently, he envied the builds of his four fellow teammates… how he wished. The boy simply shook his head slightly as he became lost in his dreams, hopes and desires.

_Be glad._

He told himself.

_It could've been far worse. _

His body shivered automatically at the thought as his mismatched orbs casted downwards. He smiled bitterly as his lips quivered just in the thought.

His 'father' had been extremely drunk that night… extraordinarily so. And for the first time… he saw something besides, rage, hatred and regret in those orbs. He saw sheer determination to destroy. To destroy the thing that had killed his beloved wife. To destroy the sole reason for his agony and suffering.

To _crush _the spirit and being that was his son so utterly complete that an attempted restoration would be impossible.

His father wanted to destroy him… his father wanted to shatter his morals, beliefs, spirit, soul, and all else that made him… him.

And so he did the unthinkable.

Though that faithful that occurred more than a day ago. The red head could not forget the vividness of the events of that night.

He remembered everything… all sounds and all emotions.

He remembered…. The pain… the unbearable pain that had felt as though he would break into two at any moment.

His body remembered the abuse.

And the next day…

For the first time, the Teiko basketball captain did not show up for practice.

Or to school for a matter of fact. Simply because of that fact that he could not move.

He was only a second year in middle school at the time.

The boy allowed his eyes to close and his body into limpness.

Onwards to live yet another day, towards yet another day of pretend.

His bruises were covered or so he thought. "Akashi-kun… I see it happened again." a voice calmly spoke.

Despite his genuine shock the teen kept his composure. "Ah… Tetsuya" heterochromatic orbs flickered to the pale visage in front of him. "Yes…" he answered bitterly. Kuroko seemed to know everything… no matter how hard he tried to cover it. It was an unspoken thought, seemingly understood by both parties.

"Akashi-kun please come over to my house today. I need to tend to your wounds" the smaller boy said.

"It was nothing serious."

"The last time you said that Akashi-kun… it turned out to be the most serious offence of all" the pale blue orbs flickered to meet heterochromatic ones.

The tension in the atmosphere thickened, mismatched orbs darkened.

_"Akashi-kun you did not come to practice yesterday… are you alright?" Kuroko asked the captain the follow day._

_ "Yes Tetsuya… I am alright." He paused. "First stringers! Fifty laps as warm up" he shouted as he slowly walked towards the benches._

_ "Akashi-kun… will you come over today?" the smaller boy inquired, voice dropped an octave._

_ "No… it was nothing serious" the captain whispered as he tried to ignore the stabbing sensation as he attempted to sit. _

_ "….okay if Akashi-kun is sure" his voice reeked of skepticism, but nonetheless he didn't question the response of his superior._

_ "Akashi-kun… why are you limping?" Kuroko inquired again as he followed the figure towards the locker-room after practice. _

_ "…Tetsuya, I'm just a bit sore from practice that's all" Akashi said quickly without giving it much thought. As quickly as his injured body would allow, he entered the locker room. Only to feel his knees shaking slightly. It was only two more steps before his knees gave out and he fell onto the smaller boy's frame. "…" his orbs widened in disbelief as the shadow attempted to catch him without avail. _

_ "Akashi-kun, you can tell me what happened… you told me the first time…did I do something?" he whispered quietly as he attempted to look into the piercing heterochromatic orbs that seemed to avoid his own. _

_ "That's not it…"Akashi said quietly as he picked up on the genuine concern in the boy's voice. _

Without another protest or argument, the red headed nodded slightly as he grabbed his bag from the locker to follow the shadow out.

"Akashi-kun, please remove your shirt" Kuroko said as soon as the duo entered the dark room.

Akashi tried not to let the words effect his breathing too much, and yet, his heartbeat increased, his breath hitched slightly at the unintended meaning behind the paler boy's lips. Shrugging slightly, the red head removed his plain t-shirt, revealing a series of ugly purple bruises.

Kuroko winched at the wounds on the otherwise pristine pale skin of his captain.

His breath hitched as Kuroko's ice cold hands trailed against the bruises widespread across his back. It hurt.

They were so cold that it hurt.

Akashi imagined the expression on the shadow's pale visage. He imagined the concern that would be displayed on his visage. He imagined all that. The same icy cold sensations suddenly turned fiery hot, his breath hitched, caught at the top of his throat. "Tetsuya…" he whispered slightly as he grabbed the hand gently placed on his shoulder.

It's soft. He thought to himself. A small smile formed upon the captain's lips as it widened as at the realization that this rare display of contentment was not caught by the smaller boy. "Akashi-kun…it must've hurt" the paler boy whispered slightly.

"I'll be fine" the red head whispered as he rotated his body three-hundred degrees to face the smaller boy.

"Physically maybe… but mentally… I think not…" Kuroko said quietly as he grasped the hand placed above his.

"Mentally? Something that trivial doesn't matter"

"Yes… yes it does… it matters" the boy's eyes turned downcast as he realized the grim reality of his captain's mental state.

"No.. Tetsuya, physical… what is observable is all that matters" Akashi sighed as he turned away from the smaller boy.

"Akashi-kun" Kuroko called out. He received no response. "Akashi-kun, please look at me." He pleaded.

"…." Akashi's ears perked up at the strange, concerning tone in the otherwise stoic boy's voice. He did not turn.

"Seijuro!" Kuroko said rather loudly as he grabbed the elder's forearm, pulling slightly to get the other male to face him.

Heterochromatic eyes widened at being called by his first name and the display of anger or rather frustration from the smaller boy. "Tet-su-ya" he stuttered.

"Please listen…." The boy pleaded. His eyes closed as his lashes fluttered over his light cerulean orbs. He tried his best to contain his tears. He cared. He cared for Akashi and yet.. and yet. His lips quivered. His shoulders shook.

"Tetsu…" Akashi called out lovingly, his hand reached out towards the boy, cupping his cheek tenderly, his eyes softened immediately.

Blue orbs flickered towards the pale visage in front of him. He stared into crimson and golden orbs filled with concern. He smiled, reaching upward to cup the hand placed upon his cheek. "I just want Akashi-kun to be okay"

Akashi swallowed a lump in his throat nervously. A dull, stabbing sensation reverberated throughout his body. He felt his chest tightened slightly and his heart contour with agony, blissful agony. Loving hate for the situation before him, the boy named Kuroko Tetsuya was so blissfully ignorant. Akashi preferred it that way. And so he swallowed, he swallowed his lustful desire to hold the boy before him in his arms to tell him everything he felt. He swallowed the confession that would've ended their current relationship. This was fine. This was all he could ask for, nothing more.

"I know Akashi-kun believes that he is always right, but I beg of you please take my opinion into account" the younger boy pleaded still holding on to the hand against his cheek. "It's hard to heal a broke spirit. I hope yours isn't…" his voice faded into silence.

Heterochromatic orbs widened as he felt a pair of arms encircling him around the waist. Glancing downwards, he caught sight of a mop of light blue locks, burying its owner's face in his chest. Hesitantly, Akashi raised a hand, tempted to hold the shadow and whisper words of affection. He stopped, closing his bicolored eyes he took a deep breath in. "Tetsuya" he calmed out as calmly as his current state would allow him. "I'm fine." He stated clearly. "And I will always be fine… I'm use to it by now" he whispered bitterly, silently hoping the smaller teen would let go. His temperance… and restraint would only go so far…

And so Kuroko let go reluctantly, he stared into crimson and golden orbs, searching for an ounce of faltering ego, an ounce of something that would allow him to argue with Teiko captain. He found nothing. Chuckling bitterly, he took a step away from the red head. "Akashi-kun can spend the night here if he wishes". "Forever obdurate" he whispered inaudibly. Kuroko sighed to himself; silently scolding his inner desires and feelings that had escape his otherwise perfect façade. He should've known that there was no way Akashi would show weakness in front of anyone. He had thought that he was special. He had thought that just maybe, maybe, Akashi would let grant him access to his mind. He was wrong. He wasn't special.

Kuroko let out another bitter chuckle at the grim revelation. He was nothing to Akashi. Clenching his chest tightly, the shadow left the proximity of the living room. He sighed as soon as he felt his back come in contact with the cold wall. Biting his bottom lips gently, the bluenette pondered on their relationship.

His heart, mind and body yearned for something more than what they had now. But his morality begged to differ. And so the boy compromised. "It's better off this way" he whispered to himself as a second reassurance and sucked in a long breath before heading back towards the red-head. He needs me, Kuroko thought to himself. He needs me to be a friend, a close friend, nothing more. The boy's throat tightened at the last thought. "It's better off this way" he whispered again. "Akashi-kun, let's go out for supper"

Akashi flashed the shadow a rare smile. Before putting his discard t-shirt and standing up. He was glad, glad that this awkward atmosphere was broken.

"I know a place" Kuroko said before grabbing his captain by the wrist to drag him slowly out of the apartment.

Heterochromatic eyes widened at the gesture and contact. He gulped, gazing affectionately at the light blue mop of hair moving in front of him. "So blissfully oblivious" he whispered inaudibly. A small smile crept into the otherwise stoic visage as Akashi attempted to calm his racing heart as he felt his hand slipping into the shadow's… in an gentle and yet firm grasp he held on to the warmth.

They mean nothing, these gestures of affection. Kuroko doesn't know… doesn't understand. Akashi's eyes fluttered closed as a long held breath escaped his lips. This was enough. This… just this.

"You know… next time _he _comes home intoxicated… you can just come here." The bluenette whispered. "No matter what… you can always come here"

Akashi gulped; he felt his hand getting hotter in the grasp of the smaller boy. Those words whose meaning seemed obvious struck the teen's heart with vengeance, giving it the slightest hope that just maybe, maybe, this love is mutual. The taller of the two mentally slapped himself for even allowing his imagination to go so far. So far into a fantasy that could not be. Willing the dull pain in his chest to go away he put up a false smile for the world to see. "I know, I know Tetsuya" he whispered, trying his best to not allow his voice to crack.

The duo strolled into the local restaurant a few blocks from the shadow's apartment. It was cozy, small place empty at this late hour. "Akashi-kun what would you like?" the bluenette asked after glancing at the menus.

"I'll take whatever you get"

"Okay then."

"What can I get for you two?" the waitress said politely.

"We'll take two number fives please" the shadow said quietly before handing the two menus to the female.

"Thank you, they will be right out"

"Tetsuya… can I ask you a question?" Akashi spoke first, breaking the silence. The smaller boy nodded in response. "How did you know?"

Without needing further explanations and thoughts, Kuroko spoke. "Because I know Akashi-kun, I understand you" icy blue orbs stared into mismatched orbs, breaking into conscience of the captain, Kuroko searched for a weakness, a problem, anything beyond psychotically stoic orbs. He found nothing. Sighing slightly, the bluenette tore his gaze away from the taller male. "I know Akashi-kun best out of anyone on the team… and yet I still feel like I don't know you…"

Akashi stated, paralyzed. The boy in front of him had just pouted. He felt his heart aching to comfort the smaller boy, he felt the urge to kiss him, hold him and whisper words of disgustingly sweet affection. His eyes softened immediately as Kuroko's tone dropped to one of sorrow. Tilting his head slightly, the red head attempt to gain access to that pale visage. He licked his lips nervously as he caught a glimpse of the smaller boy's eyes. He stopped, swallowed an awkward lump in his throat and spoke. "Tetsuya, look at me"

The smaller boy remained still.

"Look at me" Akashi commanded.

Kuroko did not budge.

"That's an order" it was barely a whisper and yet it send shivers down the bluenette's spine, that tone… that menace. Reluctantly, Kuroko raised his hand.

Akashi almost fainted. Tears, there were tears, precious pearls rolling down the pristine visage. The red head felt his mouth dry up as he licked his lips nervously. "Tetsu… don't cry" he whispered, voice filled with as much solace as he could fester up.

"But… but… Akashi-kun can't even see… can't even…" his voice trailed off as Kuroko got in control of his emotions again. He swallowed. Swallowed all the grief, sorrow, despair and uselessness, he was suppose to be comforting Akashi-kun, not the other way around. Using the back of his hand, the younger of the two dried off his tears and regained his temporarily lost composure. "Sorry… it's nothing"

"…."Akashi remained silent. His hands clenched into fists as he contemplated his next words. He chose to remain silent. Pretended the emotion breakdown never happened. Kuroko didn't deserve this… he was doing nothing except causing him pain and discomfort.

"Here you are" the waitress cut into the tense atmosphere. Two plates of curry and rice were placed onto the table.

The duo ate in stark silence.

"I think I will go back home"

"Wha-"cerulean orbs flickered towards the taller male as the two departed the restaurant. "Why?" the teen whispered.

"I don't want to cause any more trouble"

"You aren't causing trouble, you never will" Kuroko answered sincerely, desperately starting at the captain.

Akashi shook his head lightly, attempting his best to avoid those pleading orbs. He swallowed, licking his lips nervously. "One night" he finally gave in. In the elder teen's peripheral, he saw a smile…. A warm smile forming upon the lips of the shadow. His heart skipped a beat. His breath hitched. _Too cute_. His heart ached dully…

"Um… is Akashi-kun alright?"

"Yes" One word, nothing more, he didn't trust his voice any more than that.

The duo once again arrived at the confines of the shadow's apartment. "I hope you're still okay with my bed" Kuroko whispered before walking into his bedroom.

Akashi calmed his racing heart as he followed the bluenette in. "Yes…" he whispered, voice barely audible.

"Good… we should get some sleep" the shadow whispered equally quietly before climbing into the far left side of the bed, making room for the taller boy.

Akashi gulped, reluctantly but surely climbed in besides the smaller boy. Minutes that felt like hours passed, heterochromatic eyes focused on the ceiling above, trying his best to avoid the sleeping boy besides him. The red head let out a long sigh before sneaking a glance at the boy. Kuroko faced towards his, visage calm, sweet and innocent. His heart raced as the elder teen inched closer towards the sleeping shadow. His lips hovered over the pristine visage, his self control long forgotten. With breaths fanning over the smaller boy, he reluctantly pressed his lips against the boy's forehead, lovingly, affectionately before placing a feather light kiss upon the boy's parted lips.

Cold

So cold that it_ hurt_

The same pain reverberated throughout his body. Just when he went to remove his lips from the smaller boy's he stopped. No, he was stopped by…

Heterochromatic eyes widened as he felt the boy besides him pressing closer. Akashi opened his mouth to say something, those words never left. Kuroko pressed himself closer and closer to the elder teen. Lips slightly parted, he invited the other in. Hesitantly, Akashi pushed his tongue into that smaller boy's mouth. Exploring the cavern that he had restrained from so many times before. Gently, he rubbed against the smaller boy's muscle, engaging it into a dance. Challenging it to a battle, to a battle in which he, of course, won. Then he pulled away. Releasing the boy from his grasp, his brief meeting with euphoria ended as conscience and morality sunk back into his mind. "How long were you awake?" he whispered.

"I was always" ice blue orbs avoid eye contact with the elder.

"I'm sorry…." Akashi whispered.

"Why? Why are you apologizing?"

"That was out of line Tetsuya, I shouldn't have let my emotions get the best of me" the red haired teen admitted.

"…." Kuroko chuckled. An action that for the umpteenth time today, brought sheer shock to the elder teen's visage. "I don't know what Akashi-kun feels but… I just want the best for you." The bluenette whispered.

The elder of the two licked his lips nervously, eyes fixed on the contemplating teen.

"So…"So, let's pretend… pretend everything is alright, pretend that when you're with me all your dilemmas and problems don't exist"

Akashi's eyes widened at the blunt statement. Shock reverberated throughout his body as his mind fail to process the meaning behind the statement.

And then he smile, after minutes of contemplation and silence.

Slowly, he wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, pulling his into an embrace. "So, let's pretend" he mumbled.

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**Author's Note**

****I'll apologize for the OOC in this

these two are too heartbreaking T_T

also this chap is a bit short because well... it was hard to write :P


	2. So Called Savior

**Author's Note**

****SURPRISE

UPDATE

BEFORE A MONTH i think its only been like 2 weeks? O_O thats a record... but get use to it XO cuz well... like... school hasnt killed me yet i've had alot of extra time so far

WARNING: OOC (i think...) but u know thats my opinion... i made... *just read LOL

oh yeah thank you for all the reviews/follows/favorites w its breaking records in my book w/ my fail fics LOL :O

i will rewards u all w/ smut... later i acutally wanna develop the plot on this one LOL

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Let's Pretend

_Ralph Waldo Emerson- "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." _

Akashi held the boy in his arms close towards him as if he was making sure that this was reality and not a dream, not some fantasy. He wanted to be certain in that the bluenette in his arms was not a pigment of his imagination.

He felt a tug on his shirt; slowly the duo fell into the covers, never breaking their embrace. The red haired teen sucked in a deep breath, inhaling the intoxicating scent of the younger teen. Silently, he pulled the boy closer, light blue locks slightly tickling the visage of the elder teen. He smiled in contentment as he allowed his eyes to flutter shut.

He remembered… he remembered the very first time he saw the boy named Kuroko Tetsuya. One would call it love at first sight.

Another would call it curiosity at first sight.

To be frank, the elder teen didn't know what he felt. He could only describe it as an unexplainable attraction towards the paler teen.

On the nights that he had felt truly alone, trembling in the dark, it was the memory for their meeting that kept sane.

On the nights that he had felt truly content, it was the memory that brought back a flood of joy that left him on a high for days.

Tonight was no different.

He recalled, recalled their first meeting, vivid as day, the memories poured back into the mind of the elder teen.

The captain of the Teiko basketball team quietly strolled into the occupied gym, accompanied by the members of the Generation of Miracles; he laid eyes on the short, pale boy playing against their ace.

Heterochromatic eyes widened at the sight of the boy in motion. His heart raced, pondered against his chest for an unknown reason. His throat felt unusually dry as he found difficult to calm the flush rising to his face.

An inexplicable attraction, a curiosity border lining obsession. All at first sight.

A difficult, not impossible task, Akashi willed his body to follow his mind as he hid this clash with emotion rather expertly. Calmly, void of any emotions, he approached the duo. "Who is this?" the red haired teen said.

"Ah…uh um… this is Tetsuya Kuroko" The tanned teen in front answered.

"I see…." Heterochromatic eyes flickered in thought. "He has something very special, a talent that is different from all of us"

And so they practiced, developed Kuroko's talent to no end, made it multiply and reach its potential in the Teiko basketball team.

And through basketball, the two bonded, closer than the red haired teen would've normally allowed…

"Akashi-kun" a voice called out suddenly, just as the red haired went to put on his t-shirt.

_Shit. _He mentally cursed. _I could've sworn there was no one in here._ Bicolored eyes flickered towards icy blue ones, staring intently into his soul.

"Akashi-kun" the same voice called out again. Flustered for the first time in his life, Akashi scrambled to cover his wounds with his shirt. Quickly, he turned around, clutching the shirt tightly, back pressed against the cold metal lockers.

For the first time the shadow's life he saw fear in the captain eyes. His heart softened immediately as he took steps towards the slightly quivering boy, looking rather small and defenseless compared to the normal, unforgiving, ruthless captain of Teiko. And so he reached out, hand splayed, gently, only to be slapped away by the other teen.

"Stop, Tetsuya, you didn't see _anything_" Akashi spat, eyes narrowing dangerously.

Kuroko opened his mouth to say something but that last glance stopped him from doing so. He swallowed nervously; the boy in front of him was putting up a façade. It was so extraordinarily obvious that this façade was for the sake of the team. Without any extra information, Kuroko connected the dots. He bit his lips slightly, contemplating his actions and words. "But Akashi-kun" he finally mustered up the courage to counter the indisputable boy.

"Shut up." It was a command. Kuroko felt his knees going weak in the presence of the strong and demanding aurora. "…" he remained silent even as he legs gave out in the stare and he fell onto the ground. Only he did not make contact with the floor. "Sorry" the elder teen whispered as he quickly caught the paralyzed boy. "I didn't mean to, but this is none of your business, so I would appreciate it if you kept this to yourself Tetsuya" the red haired teen whispered quietly as he placed the boy onto the bench. His eyes widened as he felt another gentle tug on his wrist just as he turned to leave.

"I'm not giving up until Akashi-kun tells me" Those few words stopped Akashi dead in his tracks. Even now, even after months of practice alongside the smaller boy he could not stop his heart, he could not stop his raging thoughts and most of all he could not stop his emotions, feelings that rose to the surface whenever he was in the presence of the smaller boy, whenever he was in the presence of the shadow, Akashi was on the verge of faltering. He hated it. He hated how he couldn't put up his façade in presence of the smaller boy. And yet he couldn't help but fall head over heels for the stoic teen.

"Give it up, Tetsuya" he said with his back still facing the smaller boy.

"Never."

Heterochromatic eyes snapped towards the source of defiance. "What. Did. You. Say?" he inquired, words came out as fierce as fire, his gaze burned holes into the shadow's pale and flustered visage.

"….." Kuroko sucked in a deep, painful breath before rebuilding his composure. "I said I will never give up" instinctively, the bluenette screwed his eyes shut anticipating the wrath of his indisputable captain.

Akashi chuckled at the boy's display of fear and chose to lean closer to the smaller boy's warmth.

Cerulean orbs widened as the mop of fiery red locks entered his peripheral. He gulped.

"You, obdurate fool" the elder teen whispered into the younger's ear. Hot breaths splashing against the pale skin, the shadow's breath hitched as his heart raced against his chest. "Too bad I can't hurt you…"

"…." The same cerulean orbs stared into bicolored ones intently, searching for a anything that would allow him to counter, to inquire the meaning behind those heart-felt words. "… Akashi-kun… you can trust me" his eyes pleaded. His voice reeked of concern… and so he refused to leave the struggling teen alone in midst of an unforgiving world. He absolutely refused to do so. "I'll never give up…." Tearing his eyes away from the other for a split second only to lock them back onto the elder boy, "You can trust me…"

Akashi bit his bottom lip quickly before stepping away from the paler teen. "No." he whispered.

"Why not?"

"I think you and I both know the reason" Akashi whispered. His voice a just barely above the inaudible, he turned to leave.

"…." Kuroko torn his gaze from the hair red locks and sighed, biting his bottom lip, he attempted to control his emotions. He failed. The boy's lips quivered ever so slightly as his captain, departed from the locker room without any further words. His breaths came out in ragged gasps as tears swelled up in his eyes. Screwing his eyes shut, he clutched his chest in attempt to quench the throbbing pain. It was to no avail. It hurt; it hurt to know that he was no different than the others. It hurt to know for sure that he was nothing special. And most of all, it hurt to finally have reality hit. Akashi did not have feelings for him. This love is painfully unrequited. Somehow, Kuroko managed to dry his eyes before departing from the now desolate changing room. It hurt. And yet… he wasn't even the little bit surprised.

Slowly the bluenette walked home, head hanging low from the now lifeless body. "Stop…" he whispered silently to himself as he entered the darkened apartment. _Give it up. _Silently, desperately the bluenette gazed out the window, staring intently at the rising moon. _Give it up. _Shaking his head slightly, the teen promptly flopped back onto the firm mattress that laid in his room. Kuroko looked up, stared at the blank ceiling that seemed to speak to him. "I do really mean nothing…" he whispered. "Did I ever matter? Was I just…." His voiced faded into silence as the daunting realization came to him that the ceiling will never yield him any answers. Furrowing his brows slightly, the teen brought a pale arm across his visage, groaning in an effort to chase away his trembling heart. He sighed, gnawed at his bottom lip to calm his thoughts. And so he stared at stark blankness for what seemed to be hours.

_Knock knock_

Instinctively, Kuroko tilted his head towards his door.

_Knock knock_

The bluenette slowly climbed out of his bed and walked towards the wooden door. Hesitantly, he grasped the ice cold metal door knob. Sucking in a deep breath, he calmed he emotions and once again put on a stoic mask. "Who is it?" he asked as he opened the door.

Cerulean eyes widened at the sight. His breath hitched as a body pressed against his. His heart pounded against his chest as arms wrapped around him. His body stayed in a state of shock, his mind unable to comprehend the events happening before him. "A…Akashi-kun" he stuttered out as he reluctantly patted the teen in his arms.

"I'm sorry" the elder teen whispered into the crook of the smaller boy's neck.

"Wha-what happened?" Kuroko stuttered, still unable to adjust to the shock of the moment.

"…." The taller male hesitated.

"You can tell me…" the bluenette whispered comfortingly.

"…." Akashi remained silent, no longer able to keep his emotions in check; he bit his bottom lip as his body throbbed dully of pain. He felt his body getting weaker and weaker by the moment as a tear rolled down his cheek, down his trembling visage.

Kuroko gulped as he felt wetness against the crook of his neck. "Akashi-kun…" he whispered again before breaking away from the trembling teen, slowly he brought the once stoic and composed teen into the darkened apartment. Hand in hand, the bluenette brought the elder teen to the living room. "Akashi-kun" he whispered again as he turned on a dim light. He also gasped at the sight. Adorned on the captain's otherwise pristine visage was a dull, purple bruise. He let his eyes trail down the elder boy's clothed body. Even in a t-shirt and shorts, Kuroko could tell, a few bruises, cuts were clearly visible on the other's skin. Kuroko gulped again as he noticed a small red stain on the elder's otherwise white shirt. His mouth hung open in shock as he realized the situation. "I will get a medical kit" he whispered almost inaudibly. "Akashi-kun… please tell me…" he whispered as he returned with the kit in his arms. Taking a seat next to the silent boy, he tugged at the other's shirt.

"Ngh…" Akashi winced away from the touch. Everything burned. Everything hurt.

"Sorry… but I need to tend to your wounds"

With a silent nod, Akashi reluctantly moved his throbbing body, in an attempt to avoid unnecessary pain, he awkwardly removed his shirt.

Kuroko gasped at the sight of the bruised and battered body in front of him. Bruises. Cuts. Each wound stabbed the bluenette's heart. The amount of damage done was something that had built up. Kuroko swallowed nervously as he allowed his fingers to trail across the cut across the red head's chest, still bleeding crimson. Reaching for the medical kit, he carefully disinfected the wounds, and then proceeded to wrap the cut in bandage. "Akashi-kun…" he whispered again, letting his hand rest on the completely bandage. "Are you bleeding anywhere else?"

Akashi shook his head.

"How long has this been going on? Who's doing this to you?"

Akashi shook his head again… in denial.

"You can tell me…" Kuroko whispered again, trying to provide the solace he knew the elder teen needed. "I'm serious Akashi-kun, I just want the best… for you…"

Akashi let out a deep sigh as he gnawed at his bruised bottom lip. "It's been going on since I was a little kid…" he paused to gaze into sincere cerulean orbs. Kuroko provided him with just what he desired. Comfort, solace, everything. "Everything is my fault… but… I can't I can never do anything when _he _comes home drunk as fuck… I can never raise a fist against him because the last time I did I…" he stopped, shook his head as if the memories were all crawling back. "I've learned not to… I've learned" he whispered bitterly, heterochromatic eyes looking desperately at the bluenette in front of him. Searching for comfort.

Kuroko smiled. He festered up the warmest, brightest smile he could ever fester up, for Akashi's sake.

The red haired teen's breath hitched at the sight. He pursed his lips slightly, eyes softening.

"You can tell me more" the bluenette smiled again.

Akashi then knew that even know his heart screamed to hold the boy in his arms, he could never. He knew that the boy in front of him has a special place in his life. He knew that Tetsuya can save him from the deepest pits of despair. He knew that Tetsu… was his savior in a crude reality, an escape to fantasy. His eyes fluttered as he let out a bitter sigh. This also meant that Tetsuya would never be _his._

"Please… tell me"

"…." Akashi furrowed his brows in confusion. "If you're willing to listen…"

"Of course" Kuroko smiled _again._

"My very existence pains him. I'm the reason for his misery…"

"What….?" The bluenette whispered voice full of melancholy. Eyes fluttering at the sight of the Teiko captain bare, without composure.

"Don't you understand?" Akashi pleaded, eyes full of tears that would not fall.

"Please…. Akashi-kun…"

The red haired teen's head now hung limply from his body. He screwed his eyes shut in a futile attempt to block out all emotions. Needless to say, this was the one time that body refused to cooperate. He could not stop the sudden influx of emotion. It was if the dam had finally broken after years of suppressing everything. It came in a rush. Everything, all the pent frustration, melancholy… everything… rushed out. His composure came crumbling down as a result. "Don't you understand? I did everything… I killed her… I killed her… I fucking deserve everything…"

"Killed who?" Kuroko inquired as he tilted his head in an attempt to catch a glimpse of the other's visage.

"…" Akashi bit his bottom lip harshly before whipping his head away from the paler boy's gaze. He couldn't bring himself to look at the other boy, an attempt to savage whatever remnants that were left of his pride and composure,

And then Kuroko cupped his clenched fists.

_Cupped _them in most loving, affectionately manner that the elder teen had ever seen.

His lips trembled, the tears that held built behind his mismatched orbs threatened to fall. His breaths came out in ragged gasp. His brows furrowed in desperation. "I…. I killed my own mother…." The teen forced out, one painful syllable after another, each stabbing his already throbbing heart.

"What do you mean?" Akashi screwed his eyes shut as a single droplet of tear decided to betray him. He felt a slightly squeeze on his clenched fist.

"….I… she… driving…a.. car… I… I killed her" The boy said through sobs as he look up desperately at the younger teen's visage searching for comfort, solace, something that would tell him that it wasn't all his fault.

There was nothing.

Akashi let his head hang limply from his body. He sighed in defeat. He is at fault, no one else to blame. He killed the only thing that had loved him from the beginning. His fist closed more tightly. He blamed his heart for even believing for a second that someone would believe that it wasn't _all _because of him. He wanted to cry.

"I see" finally came a whisper. "I don't know the story fully… but I can't imagine that Akashi-kun is blaming himself for what happened…"

To that, Akashi looked up with an expression of genuine shock. Coming face to face with the stoic visage, droplets started to fall.

Not one to lose his composure easily, Kuroko gulped, tried his best to contain his emotions within. The bluenette silently nodded, understood the task he had at hand. He needed to remain strong. He needed to support the teen that had invented him.

It was his turn… his turn to save the one that had saved him from a life of mundane events, from a life of him.

Leaning forward, he let his arms wrapped around the trembling teen. "It's okay, I don't know everything, but from what I can see…. It's not your fault. What happened is an accident. If… if _he's _blaming you for it… that doesn't mean you have to believe what he says. Believe what you want to believe, but I know what Akashi-kun is on the inside" he whispered. Each phrase, each word, each syllable filled the red haired teen's hair with contentment, comfort, solace, everything he longed for.

And yet.

And yet, as much as he wanted to believe in those words, he couldn't bring himself to do so.

"I know. I know Akashi-kun doesn't believe the words I just said. And I understand that it will be difficult for you to truly… wholehearted believe them… but just trust me, just this once… " The bluenette tilted his head upward, attempting to follow the wondering gaze of his companion. "Just the once Akashi-kun… please, believe me, trust me, have faith in me." Kuroko pleaded.

Heterochromatic eyes flickered towards the pale visage in front him. Hesitantly, he nodded, choosing to bury his face into the nape of the pale boy's neck, seeking for something more.

"Akashi-kun, let's go to the bed" Kuroko whispered before pulling the elder teen up, wary of the other's wounds, he quickly relocated themselves. Quickly, the shadow snuck a glance at the digital clock besides him.

_11:00 PM_

Quickly he crawled into bed before pulling the covers over the trembling body of the formerly stoic captain of Teiko. Reassuringly, he allowed his shoulder to brush against the elder's as if he was trying to constantly remind the other of his presence. "Akashi-kun… please don't worry yourself anymore with this… for now… let's just pretend… that everything's alright" Kuroko whispered before placing a hand into the other teen's. Taking it into a gentle grasp.

"I'll try"Akashi whispered inaudibly before allowing himself to drift into slumber despite the state of his body.

_Thank you Tetsuya… _

The first time that Akashi had ever allowed his composure to break.

The first time that he shared his trauma with another human being

The first time that he had felt human… perfectly… human… perfectly normal

* * *

**Author's Note**

****Please bare with me... with all this OOC :O


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